The fastest Indian?

Ever since men invented the wheel there is talk of how fast you could go in the least amount of time.
Homo Sapien 'Unga' must have thrashed Homo Erectus 'Oonga' in a prehistoric F1 because of longer and stronger calf muscles to power his hay treaded stone tyres; carved out of limestone that Oonga did not think of to begin with.
Which is unfortunate, since technology has played truant with result of all competition involving men and fast moving machines. I myself have lost many a cart race at the supermarket with the other kid because he had his carts wheel oiled just recently, while i had the Lijjat papad plastic wrapping stuck in the wheel - slowing me down.
I should have seen it coming. I cursed myself for not reaching the line and being crowned "fastest aisler".
Lesson learnt - My bike was light, well oiled, aluminium frame two separate handle bars, one that allowed you to lean into the wind to reduce 'drag'. (Tech talk) Which, should have made me into a celebrity that splashed coke at nubile young girls. Nothing of that sort happened. Why?

Geared bikes.
Some with as many as 7 gears on them. The most anemic girls were able to beat me on one of them! Yes - it was tragic as i recall.

So, technology killed me here as well. And, many other like me that i can safely presume.
My crowning moment came when i bought my first bike. A Bajaj Pulsar. It was blazingly fast, it rumbled like a goonda, and rocketed out of signals faster than you can say 'green'. It felt perfect - for a while. Until the venerable men at Bajaj decided to launch a faster, better version of the same thing. My best friend bought it and cocked a snook (more like showed me the finger) as he left me in his dust cloud. Technology.

things have changed since then, i have abandoned the need to go fast and instead settled in for what my mill churns out today. Its more treble and no bass but, well, you manage a decent clip.
There are faster bikes, which is not the contention. It is technology. They keep reducing the size of things, at the same time making it faster still - Basically adding brains to something so small is akin to educating Chinese and Indians.
Contention number two is the chicks of course, they dig fast men who handle their bikes! But lets just not go into depression just yet. More in this later.

2 ways to Lateral thinking: Convergent and Divergent

One of my colleagues talked about lateral thinking of the mind.

What struck me was that aren’t we all lateral thinkers at some point in time? I believe it is only the severity of the need that drives us to lateral thinking.

Of course, there are people that are much better at innovating than others. A classic example would be improvisation in the face of adversity. You see it in the wild as well, monkeys fashioning twigs and scraps to use as tools to get to their food. The need here is to survive – which I am sure is severe enough for our not so evolved cousins to improvise. So, therefore is it safe to say that improvisation is evolution? And furthering this argument, saying that evolution comes from lateral thinking, which would effectively mean that species that are not able to improvise/adapt/evolve - think! - are going to be extinct? No wonder we call a dumb person – a dodo.

Extending this theory to races, we would see a totally different kind of lateral thinking happening; that of lateral thinking in face of social coercion. We already have seen it in history - converting to a particular religion because of coercion.

I am using a milder term for assault, murder, arson et al. Point being, civilizations have used brute force to bring people in line. Indeed, the engine behind the brute force has changed through ages. In the earlier times it was largely religion. Here the understanding was simple, convert to my religion; you get food, protection and salvation. Barter of goods was the fashion.

Some thought, dammit, I am not getting the right quality of the goods that I get in return for the quality that I am putting out! Why don’t I instead use the already circulating IOU’s written down on paper for exchanging? (Lateral thinker who must have introduced the first unrecorded financial meltdown in history)

This must have put in the idea of money in men’s minds. Then came industrialization and newer ways of making money were to be found, and out of this sprung forth the welfare state – socialism.

Later, capitalism took over. Though there were teething troubles with socialism for a long while. So a capitalist economy was brought forth only by thinking in an altogether new direction, one that did away with set norms and actually addressed the rotting issues facing men.

In this context, a bad example of lateral thinking would be dictatorship; Hitler and Mussolini were the poster boys of lateral thinking. Although, much credit could be given to these guys for the scientific advancements in industrial engineering that the world saw during the wars. Some of the manufacturing techniques introduced (time and motion study) et al have been phenomenally exquisite and are still used to this day; and perfected upon as well. All of it could be attributed to the stellar ability of mans mind to think in several different ways at one time.

In the new world, there is another buzz word doing the rounds called as design thinking. Talks about the way a product/concept/idea may function in the natural environment, that it is meant to function in, thereby designing it from the need basis than from, say, merely designers point of view. Isn’t this a subset of lateral thinking to speak of? I mean c’mon – stop jargonizing!

I think there are two ways to look at lateral thinking, convergent and divergent. Convergent thinking allows one to look at several aspects of a solution and encourage one to arrive at a single correct solution which, definitely is the practical way of looking a things. What I feel is, there is too much stress given to practicality, divergent thinking is where the pudding lies. And the proof is in eating. Ah-ha! I'm sure you were thinking about marrying divergence with practicality. Look at google, giving employees time to pursue their own ideas is an awesome example of thinking in a divergent manner all the while keeping practicality in your pocket thereby not damaging your productivity.

point being, Think lateral, but also divergent.

Saturday Morning Musings

Saturday morning, and copious amount of oil in my hair. I think that would be the ideal way to start a day. I mean, there is nothing as better than warm streams of oil running down your neck, after traversing their way through the undergrowth. Other than sex of course.

Early morning - for me that is...

The washerwoman seems to have suddenly found her calling in life, shes being extra painful in doing everything, right from the utensils to washing clothes. God chose to bestow sincerity on her on the day, i wanted to leave early, because, i had something closely resembling to a plan. I am sure he's having a hearty laugh!

Speaking of plans, yesterday i was scanning event websites. the sort where they update clueless people about the happenings around them; because; they are too glued to their computer terminals to go find out for themselves a.k.a me. To my utter delight and mild surprise, there was a small entry in the events section that spoke of an event, NOT involving Beer! It was truly a sight for sore eyes. Not that i don't like Beer - that would be blasphemy, but indeed, the site administrator must have stuck his head out of the vat of ale for precisely 30 seconds; to figure out there was an exhibition of cartoons by Mario Miranda (NO BEER!)

Though i have a sneaky suspicion that the guy (not Mario) must have been to Cafe Mondegar in Mumbai to notice his cartoons, and subsequently, give them a place in the list that comprised of events mostly involving ...

you guessed it - Beer!

I love cartoons, everybody does. You would have to have severe eczema in all the wrong places as a child to not like them. But that's besides the point, the point is it is amazing that a cartoonist can poke fun at the high and mighty in his own sly way. Look at R.K. Laxman. He's been lampooning the political class for decades, and hes got his bread buttered on both sides. Ajit Ninan is another genius with his cartoons. Our man Mario Miranda hails from Goa and you can see the relaxed and festive atmosphere, combined with the hospitable people (who are decidedly loud) reflecting in his cartoons.

OK - time out. The washerwoman has left! Gotta scoot!!

The bad salad

Typing is an effort

The reason is weakness, ill tell you why, had a shitty Russian salad prepared by, I suspect, a Bhaiyya who really didn't flinch when he poured watery Mayo into the salad. I believe that thing screwed my innards.

I got up in the morning, and promptly went back to sleep. My vision was hazy and the light hurt my eyes. It was decently dark in the room and invitingly cool. My body refused to respond to the usual tirade of my inner voice. I have a sneaky suspicion that the inner voice is that of woman, it keeps nagging me without a respite, it rears itself at the most inopportune times - like when I am just about to make my move on the cute chick, or; when i am going to bite into that extra piece of chocolate.

So I get up again at around noon time. My limbs feel like, well, limbs again and my head ceases to feel like a boom box. I trudge to the bathroom.

I sleep again, the Russian is out by now. I am fidgety, I am right there in between helplessly unwell and hale and hearty. My mind wants to go out into the sun and catch the sights and sounds but any attempt is thwarted by heavy bass in the brain.

By evening most of appetite is back and am looking for another day of the usual minus the Russian.

Wierdity

I think I'm losing my mind!

Seems like works taken over my life, whatever is there anyway!

The project I'm working in - there was too much work to begin with. and now there is none. Its like, i have a constant need to be in the thick of things to be able to live life to the fullest. And these crests and troughs at work are affecting me in the most adverse way possible...

They are playing with my mind.

This was about 4 months back.

The change had been approved, it was being put into effect, i was a bit late to reach the office and the developers had promptly put finger to key. They had made the pages according to the guidelines that had been assumed. I stormed into the development heads office and in front of everyone i screamed at the development head,

"Why the hell did you allow work to proceed this way?!!"

That was when i woke up. Now, one would seriously wonder where the exaggeration was in the narrative, but i cross my heart, that's exactly what happened.

Time went by as work mounted and the pressure was telling on all the members on the team, we laboured on. Our efforts paid off dividends as the developers began to get an idea of work and the pace of work started to reduce.

To a point - where there was no work! I had no work. Once this situation arises, i go nuts, i cant think straight, i don't know what to do!

It is a bit like the legendary demon who needed work from the master otherwise he would threaten to devour the master.

Though in my case there is a twist to it.

I reached the office on time. Switched on my terminal and answered the few mails that i get these days. Today, i had 5. I meticulously answered all and proceeded to get the morning cuppa.

That's when my cellphone rang. It had a Bangalore number and from the looks of it, the call was from my company people. I answered it in a flippant manner saying,

"Yes"...

This, was an exceedingly pleasurable practice that i was engaging in; and, was getting adept at! Smartly pick up the call and respond, "Yes..." - Brilliant!!!

"Premji here..."

"Ha!!" I scoffed and promptly cut the line. "Idiotic co-workers" i thought.

I settled at my desk, took a long swig of my cappuccino, the bittersweet taste refreshed me.

He was standing there at the door. Called me to the door. Took me into a conference room and both of us settled down. Or, to be more precise, he settled down, i was unsettled.

"Tell me", he said looking at a piece of paper he was carrying, "Akshay, What are the ways of motivating a team?"

"Uh...Training, Interaction..ummm, i blabbered incoherently" i was shitting bricks - Of concrete.

Premji Sir looked at me above his glasses. And then he left. I saw him drawing his phone from his pocket. Probably calling the HR people to settle my dues.

The concrete was setting.

I woke up with a knot in my chest.

I am losing my mind.

Observations with; and on; my Lonesome

Loneliness has reached its height I'm assuming.
Diwali; and i was - you guessed it! alone. So i went to this shopping mall to while away some time.
That too has become somewhat presumable. Given that at any given weekend one could find me at this particular shopping mall whiling away time. the bookstore is a good place for this activity.

An interesting thing about these bookstore is that at any point in time, you could find many people in this place. but serious buyers are very few, others are there only to look at the book prices and comment - "Itna paisa book me kon daalega yar!!"
Talks a lot about India's intellectual prowess dint it?

Now, people with a keen eye would point a finger right back at me asking "did YOU buy a book or not?!" I would skirt this issue by saying "Whatever worth reading has been read..."

The good people at the bookstore had to turn in for the night, early sleepers i might add. So they indicate the closure of the store by putting off the lights and turning them back on again - at 9 p.m. Isn't that cute, mama would have been so proud!
The manager must be a war veteran to send SOS' to customers.

I caught a book on branding though, just before the lights went out and back on again (not in the marketing section though - that remained dark, pretty much sums up the situation of the consumer market there) it talked about Chrysler, Sony, Dell, and McDonald's no i am not launching into a brand jargon thingy, i just got hungry on the Mac example and decided then and there to go have a Mac for dinner.
Big Mistake.

The line snaked around the cash register as if there was a 'Langar' going on. People of all ages, statures, nationality, gender and brand preferences where standing in line with their respective bawling kids. Its easy to see who's the boss here. Mr. Ronald McDonald of course!!!
The happy meals turn these cute & balanced little tots into ravenous zombies intent on acquiring their latest plastic contraption and bandy it around their peers - also called the happy meal toy.
Their parents of course watch helplessly as the the smiling cronies of Mr. Mac pocket away a nice round sum for some bread, cheese and soda.

I a.k.a slave to branding and the consumer lure, promptly fish out the said amount and hand it to the crony. He puts stuff on the tray and dumps it on me. I look for place, find place near a bunch of teenage girls trying to look older than they are, and succeed to a certain extent with their made up faces. There is no single seat in this place.
Sometimes i think its a crime to be alone. Go to a Restaurant - min. two seats, go to a theatre, the guy ll ask you for two seats, book a plane ticket, get off on the second booking!
I mean c'mon!!!

OK OK, i might be freaking out a bit there.

So i sit there in this place and stare out the glass partition that's between the common area and whats demarcating Mr Mac. I feel like a mannequin.

Though with a difference, they don't stare back at people passing by! (evil grin)
I guessed personalities for the people who were going by, this is addictive i might add! Do not try this until you can master the art of doing it discreetly otherwise they'll cart you off to the mental hospital.

A bunch of programmers tired of life, an aggressive short bald guy with an equally aggressive family, another bald guy with a babe for a wife/girlfriend - (i still hold out hope!)
3 women who looked like they walked off the ramp and right into the mall and then forgot where they came from because of the way they huddled and looked around for a way out.
a guy with a hairdo looking like he was trying to catch something on FM.
A chick with a fat guy who looked like she'd rather be with someone else.

Interesting - as i said.
TTYL

Diwali Wishes

Spectacular Diwali Wishes!
Have a safe and a prosperous Diwali and New Year!!
Spread Love & Joy everywhere!!!