Perfection

She knifes through the drapes of reality
and shimmers from afar
like the northern lights
gliding silently, surely,
a magnificence in motion
dodging my attention
jarring my focus
leaping into vision for a second
disappearing the next
an iota of my imagination
boring into my conscious
or..
an illusion to waylay me
i ask...
is she real?

I wanna go to sleep like that, even if just for a day, without any worries, without any worries and without any worries.

Ego

Why is it that rejection from any quarter permeates down to the core of your being and hurts you there. It also refuses to budge and stubbornly clings onto rusty ends to clog and subsequently disturb the balance. This phenomenon does not work in seclusion. It has to have ego as the main fuel with which it keeps running. Ego plays a macro role in disturbing an individual internally. It may seem that a person possessing no ego would be an ideal person. I guess all the sages of the past had attained that stage. We mortals make do with what tools we have. And there aren't many at that.

Ego is a very complex feeling to understand. Even more complex than love, (i may be speaking for myself) It turns you into an unfeeling beast or - putty, as the case may be. It overrides logic and undermines emotions. It forms the very core of certain individuals like me who may be fooled, simply by feeding their humongous ego's. Independent thinking running parallel to ego may save a person from these manipulations.

I am just rambling...

ESP???

I am a human being, i have thoughts, feelings, understandings, intelligence and an underlying consciousness that sees through frames of reference of my life that i cant fathom. Some people have a developed sense of awareness for their surroundings. These were, i guess, first identified by the Japanese and the Indians and were used in various different ways as was possible and as they deemed fit.

This eerie feeling of 'been there, done that' keeps coming to me for mundane activities. Its as if I'm living the dream i had a long time back. And believe me, you'd freak if you'd know exactly how the ensuing events were to unfold as if in a drama you were acting out.

Today, for a small part of the lecture, i sat frozen for nearly 15 seconds, as i exactly knew what the professor was gonna do, and what the response was gonna be from the class, the environment. Its surreal, fuzzy and translucent, but, its there, and,
Its damn eerie when something like that happens to you.

I do not claim to have ESP, but these things do build into your psyche, apart from feeling separate from the rest of the crowd, it also gives you an insight into the powers of the mind.

Not to mention that your life is following a script that has already been put into motion, a story where you are unwittingly the central character. Where the decisions you seem to make have already been made for you and the choices you exercise are already forecasted and subsequent repercussions been thought of. Tends to sway your thoughts towards things like 'destiny' and 'fate'.

And, makes life even more difficult for people like me who have always wanted to do their own things and move in one direction and have been swept aside into an altogether different one.

The web of introspection further complicates because of such occurrences.

The dominant thought : Emotions

i cannot bring myself to think about anything that i would like to write in particular about, be it the quirks of men or the machines that they have built, or, be it the pursuits of woman and the games that they play. Be it history or science, there are a lot of subjects that are floating around in my mind in an ethereal state that putting my finger on a single subject would require serious deliberation.
The emotions that i face in everyday situations and the culminations of which have been witnessed by my blog; also, the emotional baggage that i have been carrying around for a long time; has found its release in this space. A cathartic release, if i may say so. It comes to my notice that, predominantly, emotions do make up a great part of my writings. (now i am being cocky - writings?)
Science is another field that intrigues me to a very great extent. Applied to humans, it augurs well with my interest, just yesterday i was watching this show about babies' responses to stimulus. intriguing viewing i might add.
Spirituality is another field that grabs my interest; not that i watch GOD channel or AASTHA channels regularly, but the 'above and beyond' fascinates me. A book called 'laws of the spirit world' coupled with another - 'Cosmos - Carl Sagan' and the most celebrated scientific author 'Stephen Hawking's - A Brief History of Time' would create an phenomenal sensation in the scientific, biological and the spiritual world.

These rambling thoughts just add to the entropic being called Akshay.