G(B)oeing Down

Jan 26th 2009

All of bird kind was left in shock on this weeks terrorist attack on flight 1594. In an unprecedented strike fidayeen doves descended on the hapless plane in droves and took out both engines of the plane rendering it powerless. The Jamaat ud dovea has claimed responsibility of the attack. "These strikes will continue until these winged menaces have stopped polluting our skies!" said Dovesama Bin Loaded in a recorded statement found on the black box of the now sunk plane.

Earlier scouts were seen circling the Hudson to get a bird's eye view in order to carry out the deadly strike. Mr. and Mrs. Airbus have expressed concern over the safety of their aircrafts. "What is the FAA doing?!!" demanded a tearful Mrs. Boeing as she saw the aircraft sink into the Hudson waters.

"The skies are airtight" is what the security council of Hawks (SCHAW) had stated in their report on aviation security for the country. The legal eagles have descended in droves on doves branding Dovestan as a rouge republic. The president of the state Asis Alli Dovrari has refuted statements saying that Dovestan nurturing black ops doves for the operation. "All our motives are pure and our doves white!" he reiterated from the Government radio of Air-Dovestan.

Birdanitarian groups have called for a ban on products from the rouge state including the popular 'Dove soap'. Dovestan has in turn issued a no-fly policy over its skies angering scores of migratory species that use its air space over the winter.

This comes in wake of warnings issued by Dovesama's threat delivered by pigeon to secretary of state Croweleezza Rice of capturing and dining on migratory ducks.

"This guy's gone cuckoo!" was the general sentiments at 2000 feet - a popular high flyer congengration spot.

The Government on its part has promised to deploy the stealth SR71 blackbird's for protection of the commercial airliners. Commercial airliner honchos have expressed concerns that there aren't enough of them to go around. There have been talks of deploying Blackhawks as well but the proposal is still hanging in the air.

Popular actor Russel Crow, Mia Sparrow and others of the guild have expressed deep concern over the growing tension.

It is ironical that the once proud symbol of peace - The Dove, has turned into rouge state.

You know Chennai's getting to you when...

- You think the day ends at 9 p.m.

- "Anna" naturally comes to you when you are addressing strangers

- You ask for extra rice after emptying your plate of the same food

- You no more feel threatened by the waiter holding the rice bowl - you call for him instead!

- You know what "Podi" means and order copious amounts at "Sarvana Bhavan"

- Rice has started sticking to your palm

- people assume you as a tamilian just by looking at you

- Acquaintances keep talking in Tamil even if they know you dont understand jackshit!

- You feel withdrawal symptoms if you don't have rice in your diet for more than 48 hours

- You need your cup of "kaapi" after "meals"

- You have gone and "enjoyed" your first tamil movie!

- You have started humming tunes of the same movie songs

- You actually respect Rajnikant

- You actually feel faint when you see a woman in jeans

- You faint when you see a woman in a skirt

- You start noticing women in salwar kameez

- You start adding "-aaa" at the end of every sentence

- Your language is limited to functional communication like "Bus-aa?" or "Hundered - aaa??!!"

- You don't ask for directions because if you are given those - you feel even more lost

- You call up people for directions in other states who seem to know Chennai better than you

- You pack your bags at the drop of a hat when the weekend count goes to more than 2 days!

Excerpts of the interview with the outgoing president by Larry king

Larry King: We have with us tonight the outgoing erstwhile president of the United States.  So Mr. Bush; how was your term in office?

George Bush: It was nice yes, although the United States of America couldn't’t catch Osama; they seem to have caught Obama!

LK: How do you think his tenure in office is going to be?

GB: Colored...err..aah...i mean colorful!! He has got quite an uphill task!

LK: Why do you say that Mr. Bush; is it because of all the Bush-fires that you have set off all over the world?

GB: In that case the Australian PM would be better equipped with Foster's at his side! On a more serious note i think the legacy I have started shall be carried forward by a man with "Barack" in his name.

LK: What is this legacy that you are referring to? I hope it does not involve a white house intern!

GB: I'm offended Larry! The erstwhile president 'screwed' up only once. I did it consistently!

LK: Does screwing up with reference to the Iraq war or the Afghan war or Abu Gharib or your statements in/about all these places?

GB: None! I have achieved what no one can - i can read kindergarten books upside down! I also specialize in dodging  projectiles hurled by saudi’s.

LK: Coming back to the lewinsky...err...i mean legacy - what exactly were you referring to?

GB: I have destabilized the entire planet...my objective here is almost complete...

LK: OOOOk... sir, what do you think is the biggest challenge that Barack Husein Obama has in front of him?

GB: I think the biggest challenge is to stop the Tamil forces to take over the tiger' camps.

LK: (blankly) Sir, Are you talking about Sri Lanka?

GB: Yes! I'm glad that you look stumped for once. See, it was like this - I was looking to park some of our jets and carriers near India - poor sods have just one carrier - i thought they'd feel better, and saw this largish island right next to India on the map and thought... why not! Later Condi told me it was already occupied! So i was waiting for their squabbling to get over.

LK: So you mean, Sri Lanka holds the key to establishing stability in the South Asian region??

GB: Absolutely! You don’t want to piss off the Chinese by going on that side! Doesn't seem so but they see everything! Besides - i get my toilet paper from there!

LK: So you set up a base in Sri Lanka and then what?

GB: We can deploy freights to China on the east and Pakistan on the west...

LK: Hmmm...Sounds plausible - What am I saying!!!

GB: ...and then we can send spies into all these countries via the sea route - like in India...

LK: OK! We are back into cuckoo land!

LK: I’m sorry Mr. Bush but we have to end this interview here.

LK: Right! So this episode of America’s biggest loser’s continues with our next guest – Britney Spears…

Who - Me??

What do you want to write - i say to myself

i don't know i just want to ramble on about what i see

i see a guy pick up his bike and go riding

i see a guy enjoying the cool breeze

i see a guy helping people along 

i see a guy helping himself to life - to belong

i see a guy trying to make sense of it all

i see a guy enjoying himself as he does so

i see a guy fighting his own demons

i see a guy learning the ropes

i see a guy freaked out!

i see a guy trying to fit in

i see a guy yearning to break out

i see a guy with morals

i see a guy who's rabid

i see a guy who's nuts

i see a guy whose rooted to the ground

i see a guy whose purpose ain't yet found

i see a guy who will go miles for a friend

i see a guy who hates turncoats

i see a guy who laughs

i see a guy who loves

i see a guy who cries

i see a guy who shares

i see a guy who runs

i see a guy who fights

i see a guy whose a madman

i see a guy who is spiritual

i see a guy who thinks

i see a guy who's impulsive

i see a guy who wants to win

i see a guy who is almost famous

i see a guy who's a rockstar

i see a guy who's quiet

i see a guy who is unique

i see a guy who is misunderstood

i see a guy who is shy and introvert

i see a guy who is gregarious and boisterously extrovert

i see a guy who is this one guy

i see a guy when i see me

Sketchy

Charcoal scrapes across parchment

And a million ideas take shape

There isn't a necessity of exactement

Pray; widen your scape

Replicas of the real and unreal

They take myriad forms

At times they turn surreal

Pray; refrain from qualms

Imagination struggles for intervention

Geometry begs to differ

They say "care is better than prevention"

Pray; the edge is what i prefer

Creative leverage - the learned call it

Pedestrians: lack of skill 

The pencil does as is deemed fit

Pray; learn to feel

Give me Creative redemption!

Craved my tired soul

"Thou Shalt draw to emancipation..."

"Pray" the almighty told